Status the Tenth

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THE LAST LOVE

It’s too late you were my first love, but you could be my last love.

– Are you kidding? – #Mac asked, not hoping too much that he’ll get a positive answer.

– I’m as serious as death – a woman answered.

– Why haven’t you told me that before?

– This is my way to commit a suicide.

– A suicide?

A woman took a gun out of her small bag and gave it to @RoughMac.

– Because I don’t dare to do it on my own, you’re going to do it for me.

– Let your Daddy do it! – #Mac said in a huff.

– But, you must… I seduced you insidiously and infected you consequently. I do deserve to die.

– Nobody deserves to die. Even if I’m wrong about it, I’m sure I’m not a murderer.

– I know what’s the matter. You’re hoping you’re not infected after all.

– On the contrary, I shat myself to death.

With her face distorted by fury, and therefore not so beautiful anymore, a woman slapped our hero in the face, and started to press the gun straight into his hand in the hardest possible manner.

– Shoot, you chickenshit! – he blared in an annoying voice.

#Mac tried not so hard to defend himself, as there was any chance that soft, tender hands of a woman could separate his hard-fisted male hands.

– All right, it’s clear to me, that you’re not considering the whole matter, maybe because of panic, or because of stupidity (‘cause you are anyway a lot stupid, when you’re sticking your cock into every single naked ass shown to you). It’s not just a problem that you’re probably infected. Remember that you have ejaculated without a condom.

– Wait a minute, I don’t remember I ejaculated into…

– But I do remember, you drunken and stoned fool. Unlike you, stuffed by bad cocaine, I sniffed only lactose. I’ll give birth to a very cute child. Maybe that child upon spreading virus among the numerous lechers, would be some day begging someone for that, for what I’m begging you right now.

– The likelihood of your pregnancy is so insignificant.

– Not if someone, as I do, keep your sperm in ideal conditions.

This of course produced much stronger impression on #Mac. The picture of innocent child, infected by virus of its monstrous mother, whose genes might overpowered those of his father’s, causing for the child to become a psychopath too, was so frightening. But again, the future father didn’t even take a look at the gun.

– Can you imagine that our child will be so nicely parting company with your daughter? They’ll be drinking water from the same glass, they’ll be sharing the same bites… – a frenzied woman made her pressure being stronger. – Let alone talking about who’s going to take care of them.

– You’re treading upon slippery ground. For this, I would be able to kill you.

– What a stupid ass you are! That’s exactly what I want you to do all this time.

– And if you’re bluffing? Being dead you’ll be regretting in vain.

– Even in tough times you’re keeping your sense for humor. But honestly, I don’t give a damn about man’s humor. Show me that you got what I really like – the balls. Dab me like a fly.

– Why are you doing and speaking all this?

– How do you mean why? I want to revenge myself. And I enjoy it.

– Whom are you revenge yourself upon?

– On God.

– You can’t revenge yourself on God. The only question is why are you trying to do it by using me.

– Well, you’re his favorite, aren’t you? – a woman said while observing every #Mac’s move, and at this very moment it was quite obvious she was especially interested in his reaction.

– What are you talking about?

– You know it. Just think about – there’s nothing when it comes to love between the Chosen Male and the Chosen Female.

@RoughMac became stone-cold. Until now he was confident he was not going to win over #Bianca’s heart, but he was even more confident that he wouldn’t give up trying it. Suddenly everything changed. In the future, he will not only stop to chase after her (stalking her, of what he was already accused by the people who knew what was going on between the two of them), but he will moreover try to avoid any encounter with her, running away from her with his head over heels. Although he never lied that he wanted much more than just having sex with her, it was widely accepted that amorous relationship without sexual intercourse had no sense. In addressing heartfelt people who would like to dispute that fact, I will be defending him by stressing that in the first place, he didn’t want her to live a life without making love.

– Woman, take your gun and get out of here! – #Mac resolutely said.

– I don’t even think about it.

– Well, then I’ll leave.

Quite perplexed by such kind of #Mac’s decision and by his resoluteness in general, she promptly decided to give up her intention.

– O.K. I’m going away – she said – I’ll leave you the gun. Kill yourself, you poor loser!

Without hesitation she stood up and made a move towards the door leading out of the apartment. However, something odd has happened – while she was moving away, all of her ugliness strangely disappeared, like the snow-flakes shaken down off the coat. She became gorgeous again, just like she was last night.

Having been left alone, @RoughMac took the gun to unload it. It turned out it wasn’t necessary, because there wasn’t any bullet within.

***

Almost everybody, with exception of him and someone careful enough, were convinced that #Mac was unreasonably depressive, but also excessively responsible.

In the moments of depression, he would be moaning, sighing and trying to formulate the sentences, unintentionally making his interlocutor misapprehended that he would really say something, thus creating an unbearable tension. He even wanted to say something, but he wasn’t capable to sort out the whole range of his thoughts, to turn them into clear attitudes, or at least questions. It would be usually ending with the situation which would find him standing, with his muscles almost completely relaxed, his head leaning to the wall, no words uttered, what later on used to be an object of his derision, saying that he’s resembling Kaspar Hauser. All others, and especially his daughter, found it so irritating that they hadn’t been even willing to laugh at his jokes, made on his own behalf.

Having felt, after departure of that mysterious woman, just the way it was described, it was unthinkable to him to take a shower, to shave himself or to take clothes on, just for the sake of getting ready for the following business meeting.

On the other hand, just a glimpse at his watch was an inevitable reminder of all the duties he had assumed, of promises given and of money he was paid by, so that depression and anxieties must have been put aside and think over some time later. And here he is in a rush, sitting in a taxi and driving along Madison Avenue, while the hell he had earlier passed through, was temporarily pushed away into oblivion. It is true that he has been experiencing for years, albeit only in his head, many heart attacks, he’s been more rarely “ill” with some sort of cancer, sepsis or acute pancreas inflammation, he’s been also waiting for some appropriate occasion to check himself on AIDS, but to all these medical examinations, as a kind of some widely spread rule, he would submit himself only after the job was thoroughly done.

Having arrived into huge office-building (mentioned in the previous chapter) he headed to business rooms where, according to The Zero’s instructions, the negotiators had been waiting for him. Having come in and having immediately, instinctively noticed the scary faces of the men, being presented themselves as businessmen, he didn’t manage to think seriously, because his sight remained fixed upon the woman he spent the night with. She was standing in the corner of the room, with her composure pretty imposing, and looking straightly at him, this time dressed in the dark-green suit, and the skirt of the same color, having remained “faithful” only (I don’t care if it’s important to you, because it is to #Mac and me) to silky, sheer stockings.

– This is @RoughMac – she introduced him to the bulldogs, whereby some of them were standing and some were sitting in the leather armchairs by the big round desk. – And these are my partners.

The woman finally uttered her name, which for the sake of yours and my goodness, must remain secret.

– I am glad to meet you– #Mac had to start shit talk, not out of fear, which he didn’t feel for the reasons not even known to him, but for the sake of making an impression of professional kindness. – It is a little bit odd to me that you are the only woman in here.

– I feel more pleased that way.

– Oh, c’mon!

Then all of them shook their hands and introduced themselves. Afterwards they took their places by the big round desk, on which #Mac put his suitcase and seemingly calm, he started to take out folders and pens, pretending not being bothered that nobody else haven’t been  doing the same.

– Shall we start? – our hero asked, interrupting the long silence, wherewith others tried to create tension.

– Who sent you to this meeting? – rigidly asked one of the attendants.

– I don’t understand the question. I suppose the same one who has arranged the meeting.

– Nothing’s arranged. We’ve been informed that someone very dangerous would arrive, someone who knew a lot. You can’t cause any danger to us, but we’re interested in that what you know.

– What about?

– I will now explain that to you! – a man yelled, pushed the chair back and moved aggressively towards #Mac.

However, the fearful air of his face promptly changed after @RoughMac managed to grab his neck, using the force of his hands as strong as the tongs, and with insane, continual squeeze he bore him down on his knees.

Everyone else jumped off their places and ran up to free the man, who at first was as pale as the shade and afterwards his face started to turn green, while the others hadn’t been able to separate #Mac’s squeezed hand off the man’s throat. It was interesting, although not to #Mac, who actually expected that, because otherwise he wouldn’t be thinking of any reaction, that everybody attempted to grab his forearm, but nobody did manage to hit him and grip on any other part of his body.

– If I let him, there will be no more pretendings? – @RoughMac asked.

– Okay, okay – everybody in the room shouted.

#Mac despisingly knocked the man down on the floor and sat back in his chair, followed by everyone else, as if they were under someone’s command.

– Do you have any kind of weapon? – the woman asked #Mac.

– No, I don’t.

– Haven’t you a gun? – she asked smiling on him.

– I did have one in the hotel, albeit unloaded, but it ended up in the Hudson River. I was guided by the words of certain Kamila: ”I like USA, I would immediately move there, but I can’t adapt to their law stringency”. As much as I heard, the authorities in your country show any understanding for those who possess arms without license.

– We’re even much more intolerant when it comes to terrorists – one of the present added.

– You are looking like as if you were from CIA or NSA.

– Maybe I am.

– In that case you’re either stupid or you consider me being stupid. Secret services are the biggest terrorists in the world. Anyway, why are you mentioning terrorists at all?

– All right, we’ll be frank – the woman continued her talking, while later on without following any precise schedule, all the others would be trying to interfere into the ongoing conversation. – The people, who recommended you to us, have also told us that you were very influential within the business circles in Kosovo. Consequently, we’ve been informed by the unknown source, that you actually were a dangerous terrorist. According to us, those two informations don’t exclude each other, quite opposite. But the manner you reacted in just a couple of minutes before was entirely different in comparison to that what is usually being expected from the terrorist. You haven’t reacted as a mean, insidious person, determinant to take advantage at the best possible moment, in order to inflict the most serious damage, moreover you have reacted as a man of integrity, who was assaulted without any reason.

– Honestly, I have no clue what are you talking about.

– We’re talking about you being a member of a powerful alliance, allegedly engaged in fighting for justice.

– Are you meaning the Law Chamber? – #Mac was joking.

– I mean a monumental, huge secret organization, which easily succeed to overcome the paradox between possession of universal power and lacking of any real evidence about its existence. It almost doesn’t leave any traces, we don’t even know its name. Just from time to time we’re coming upon some indications, maybe even deliberate ones.

– Let’s stop talking about esotericism. As much as I get, you would be willing to invest in Kosovo?

– Of course. You’re a dying nation, while they are emerging.

– Than what’s the reason I’m here, instead of some Albanian guy?

– That’s something you should explain to us.

– If you want me to give you an explanation, two conditions are necessary: to know on my own why, but I don’t; and even if I knew to explain, I won’t.

– You of course are aware it’s quite possible that you might not get out of here.

– Sure, just like any of us. Your nervous fellow is the best possible proof. Besides, my surviving instinct became considerably diminished for the very serious reason. Maybe you, madam, can presume what I think about?

– How did you get such an idea?

– You look like as someone who is readily willing to share own problems with different people.

– O.K. Let’s pretend as if we had just met each other. What did you want to give us as an offering?

– Your business partner, a client of mine, and you, brought me into pretty awkward situation. I thought that you were already interested in something tangible, and that my duty was to explain how much it was, or shall I avoid being too modest, to explain the feasibility of the whole matter, especially in terms of its legal application. I am a lawyer not a PR manager. I don’t know what for, but regarding my conversation with my client, I came to conclusion that you were particularly interested in tourism, but I am not specialist in that domain either. Even if you accept me as a lawyer, I am acquainted partially with the Serbian laws, but with Kosovo’s legislation not at all.

– There’s a serious misunderstanding. We’ve got unlimited number of lawyers at our disposal, but we’re actually interested in powerful people who are capable of making tangible and huge benefit to us. Especially if they were highly positioned within the influential alliances, just like the one we’ve mentioned before.

– You are so persistent.

– Maybe we’ve just turned the whole matter upside down. It’s possible that you are not a member of that organization, but that they are trying to exert pressure upon you, persecuting you, blackmailing or raking you off. In that case we’re ready to offer you our protection. For God’s sake, the U.S. government stands behind us.

– Let’s make it clear: you that much unreal, that I’m probably just dreaming, offer me a protection from some non-existent force.

– Now you are persistent. For the start, just give us an indication of whom we are talking about.

– Firstly, that of whom you are talking about doesn’t exist. Secondly, I won’t tell you who is that who doesn’t exist.

– You’re not interested in any reward?

– I’m only interested in reward from my client. Have you ever heard of lawyer ethics?

– So indirectly, you are confirming that the organization is real.

– Quite opposite, I’m confirming you directly that my client whom you do know on your own, is completely real.

– All right, you’ve mentioned tourism. You surely would when it comes to your country, put an emphasis on agriculture as well. However, we’re interested in quick and huge profit. We’ve already got a large number of military tourists in your region and we’d like to withdraw them as soon as possible. Agricultural products we’re getting from Kosovo and from Serbia do make people feeling happy, and thereby us as well, but they are being grown in Asia. Let us say that we’re not that much interested in ore-deposits existing in your area. However, what we really want are strong commercial positions for the goods being transported through the countries in which your influence is pretty considerable.

– Let’s start with your completely wrong assumption that I’m some sort of a boss within the organized crime circles, instead of a lawyer. That would mean that I’m putting under my full control various drug, uranium, nickel routes, and who knows what else. If it’s the case, what would be my motif to let you get benefits from such business?

– The money of course. It’s better to sell us what you have in possession, than to force us to take it from you.

– Than why are you negotiating purchase of something you could get by using force?

– That’s the method powerful subjects have always been using to operate. At first we try to negotiate, and if it doesn’t work, then we simply unleash the ones who not only think that everything should be achieved by force, but they would use it straight from the beginning, because they feel pleasure in causing violence.

– And what happens if within that awful commanding chains, exists someone more powerful than you are?

– You mean for the organization whose existence you’re denying?

– No I don’t mean, but let’s presume that I do mean.

– That’s simple at least. Let’s adjust and obey the more powerful than ourselves.

– I’m not so close to anyone more powerful than myself, let alone than you. You’ll surely win over me, but only if you use the force. It consequently means that, at least for now, I consider these negotiations being too early. Goodbye – #Mac suddenly finished his talking, quickly stood up off the chair and went straight towards the door.

– Wait a minute, you can’t leave just like that.

– Why not?

– We’ve only been presenting certain options to you. We haven’t said it had to be that way.

– You think there is still something we can discuss about?

– We don’t think, but we’re sure there is a lot of something unspoken and incomplete.

– Then inform me about the time and place where we can continue our discussion.

– O.K. Just let us know how can we inform you?

– Someone among you will certainly remember how – @RoughMac said while watching the woman, and then he simply went out.

***

Lately in the afternoon on that same day, he was phoned by The Zero, who wanted to get informations about the course of discussion. After #Mac gave an answer that he couldn’t yet even presume what was being negotiated about, The Zero was pleasantly surprised:

– You did succeed to waste the whole day without even starting the operational part of the discussion. All credit to you! You have exceeded all my expectations.

– Unfortunately, I can’t return the compliment. Almost everything in connection with you reminds me of how disgusting the human life could be. Honestly speaking, the events and characters around The Circle remind me at the same time of something what might be the most beautiful in life. You’re bearing resemblance to coitus a bit: it could be as sweet as honey, but you could also be disgusted by it. Hadn’t been for the excitement, all what’s left after would have been ugly genitalia and stench. Besides, just like you, the sex could be dangerous, even fatal.

– I can only guess what kinds of thoughts are crossing your mind, but your description is witty anyway.

The hero of our story knew quite well what he was talking about. After the phone-talk, he finally could, without any trouble, give himself up to dismal thoughts of his own future.

Since the very beginning of the adventure dubbed Status, @BiancaMistake was reminding him of his first love, now married to his close friend. He fell in love with her also the very first time he saw her, while both of them attending the sixth class of the Primary School. She was enchanted by the novel ”Gone With The Wind”, but still she hadn’t watched the movie of the same title (at those days it wasn’t so easy, because back then the films had been being watched only in movie theaters, and she unlike him, didn’t so frequently leave their small town, in which cinema were screened mostly spaghetti westerns, kung fu movies and erotic of the lowest rank). She was persistent and often asked him to recount the story of the film, enjoying in listening to it and imagining herself being Scarlett O’Harra. And he liked Rhett Butler. Therefore he’s been more ardently daydreaming about their secret and romantic liaison, while she, on the other hand, hasn’t been showing even the tiny sign of enthusiasm for it. During the course of the next three years their emotional paths became separated, partially due to her lack of interest, but also because of his very early exposed sexuality, which led him to indulge in a lot of love affairs, often simultaneous and mutually involved, but deprived of any genuine feelings. By the time they became primary school graduates, all of a sudden she insanely and overwhelmingly fell in love with him, while he immediately fell in love with her. Their kisses and acts of affection were literally and mutually breathtaking, and for that reason all sensual adventures he experienced later in his life, were just a pale shade of the pleasure he experienced back then. However, their spirits were irreconcilable. He was steady and rational, while she was as wild as a brood mare. She has been so desperately trying to copy the Scarlett and Rhett relationship while living her own life, what made her being felt romantically only in times of experiencing serious troubles. Myriad of times they’ve been breaking up their relationship, but over and over again he would have been capable of finding new creative ways to win over her heart. He was the reason she found herself on the verge of psychosis, maybe she even crossed the line, while he’s been extremely longing for her presence every time they were separated. But that kind of affection didn’t stop him, just like it was the case at times when he felt extreme love for #Bianca, to indulge in the relationships with various different women, including her young aunt. About that miraculous creature, his first love, he’s been writing the novel titled “My Julie Christie”, just as same as #Bianca is the main female character in this very novel, which I’m writing about him.

Having fallen in love with female model, well known to you, he immediately dubbed her “My last love”, in spite of disapproval of everyone who wanted him nothing else than sheer luck, but he knew that after her he wouldn’t be able to love any other woman. The face of that notion was an expression of his hope (which he didn’t consider necessary, but fuck it, it did exist) that he would finally find himself at the very end of his life, accompanied by exactly that girl he lost his mind after in a wink of a moment. However, the reverse side of it was his firm belief  that he would not succeed in an attempt to win over her heart, whereupon he considered the precious time to fall in love again would be already wasted a long ago. Who of those people, who had been accusing him of being too much fanciful, could have even dreamt that @BancaMistake would have moreover literally become his last love – that an amazing beauty, in a splendid hotel at Manhattan, would have infected him with the fatal disease, having probably condemned him to death, but in any case having spoiled his intention to make a close relationship with #Bianca becoming true. He wanted to trade with God, demanding “only her and none of others”, but Lord gave him “none other”.

Luckily, within the course of his life he experienced not two, but three great loves. Between the First and the Last, the Real one has happened, the fruitful one. It lasted for sixteen years. During that time #Mac managed to graduate from the University, he engaged in sport showing full commitment, he composed on his own tens of, and together with @TorbacJr hundreds of songs, he wrote the novel titled (that’s a miracle!) ”Beautiful In Vain”, mysteriously anticipating all the events he now found himself in the middle of, including loves and betrayals, perils and beautiful adventures, powerful secret societies and manipulations, an eternal coexistence of opposites… During the period of that, let us say the middle love, he started working as a lawyer practitioner, got married, became an employee at the DA’s office, began dealing with various and numerous private businesses, he was engaged in a successful war against the system, he became father and his daughter became his Top-level love, he even managed to become successfully divorced. I allow myself to express irony, because it can’t find any success in jeopardizing the depth and essence of this Life Romance, which #Mac used to explain in the best possible manner by citing Strindberg’s sentence, it goes about this: ”Hadn’t Romeo and Juliet killed themselves, they would have divorced”.

Three loves, three novels.

@RoughMac continued to admire the circle which closed itself, making equal his first and last love, and thereby turning it back at the beginning. #Bianca has also been tameless and unpredictable, she’s been unexpectedly disappearing, in order to have been emerging again as powerful as a roman legion, she’s been so desperately longing for love, but again, she’s been so fearlessly and incomprehensibly rejecting it, awkwardly trying to conceal her dismay with life, and thereby attracting countless knights who were ready to give her protection. Yeah, exactly as such – she was irresistible.

Making comparison between himself and his role model Jagger, #Mac considered that the girl he fell in love with for the first time, was his Bianca, the woman whom he got married and together with, became a parent to their offspring – his Jerry Hall, while the last love #Bianca was simply #Bianca. Smiling on such kinds of reflective constructions, he fell into sleep.

He was awaken by the gentle kisses all over his face. In front of his eyes the moment they began to slowly open, has been emerging the woman he spent with the last twenty four hours, astounding, wonderful and dreadful ones.

– Don’t worry – she whispered – From now on, everything what I’ll have told you will only be nice. Firstly, I’m not married. Secondly, I didn’t contract AIDS. And thirdly…